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Dear The Magic Rain team,
A photographer has taken advantage of me in a photoshoot. While I thought it was nothing at first, it happened too many times for it to be an accident. He touched me inappropriately and said it was normal.
I laughed it off but to be honest, I’m was in shock to the point i was speechless and I didn’t know what to do or say. I stayed quiet all this while because I was afraid that he might blackmail me or tell others that I’m too serious ☹ mainly because other cosplayers have done this with him too
He’s a well-known photographer who shoots with models/cosers every week. I told him that I was uncomfortable with doing sexy shoots and he said okay. But the more I said no during the shoot he seemed to lose his interest and got moody. Something happened that day and I’m really upset. Though he agreed to not post up the pictures, I still feel dirty and lost. I’m afraid to tell my friends about this because rumors will go around and that would ruin my image.
I’m so lost, a part of me wonders how many times he has done this do other girls behind the scenes. I’m also afraid that he might post up the pictures when I tell on him. I didn’t know what I was thinking. He was so persuasive. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.
Sincerely,
Distraught
Dear Distraught,
It’s normal to not know what to do, how to feel, or know what your options are after a sexual assault. I may not know what you are going through but I want you to know that you’re not alone and that we are here for you. I want you to know that none of this is your fault.
Sexual predators are known for being persuasive. Your actions of that moment do not speak for who you are. You’re not dirty. You are beautiful. You are CLEAN. I respect your courage for speaking out on your issue.
You did nothing wrong; you did your part when you told him you didn’t want to do it. I suggest that you stay as far away as you can from this photographer and his circle. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Moreover, you are never “too serious”. That is nonsense. Although other cosplayers may have done a shoot like this with him, that doesn’t mean that it’s normal. Everyone is different and everyone’s values/culture should be respected.
About what you said, “I’m afraid to tell my friends about this because rumours will go around and that would ruin my image”, it’s easier said than done, but I suggest that you should always be prepared if the images do slip out. Screenshot the chat where you told him that you didn’t want to do it. Your true friends will believe you. No matter what, remember that this is not your fault. There are people who still love and care for you, even as of right now I wish I could meet you and give you a big hug.
Find true friends in the community. Someone who will be there for you no matter what happens to support you. Though it may be hard, do not lose hope. There are some good people out there. Warn your friends who are going to go on a shoot with him to be cautious. If he ever does assault you again be prepared to record/screenshot/etc and report it to the police.
I can’t imagine the struggle that you are going through right now, I want you to be strong no matter what happens. You are important. Just know that we are always listening and we are here for you. Don’t give up.
Here’s the number to Women’s Aid Organisation if anything ever happens: 03 7956 3488.
Take care *hugs*
Sincerely,
Ms. Scrumptious
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